You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
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