Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
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