you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
I party with great urgency now.
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Randomize
