the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
Randomize