Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
Randomize
