Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
Randomize
