It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
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