When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
Randomize
