I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
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