Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
Randomize
