look no pants
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
it's great music for shaving your balls
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
Randomize