Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Randomize
