just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize
