I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
Randomize
