You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Randomize
