Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
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