I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
