Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
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