Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
Randomize
