i don't plan on having that self control this summer
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
