So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize