matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
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