hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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