Dual....:-)
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
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