i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
Randomize
