yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
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