dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
this just has baby written all over it
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
Randomize
