I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
Randomize
