I think my fart just growled at me.
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
Randomize
