Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
My penis needs a shock collar
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Randomize
