thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
Randomize
