No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
Randomize