Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
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