he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
Randomize
