it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
I will be naked everywhere
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
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