I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
Randomize
