Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Randomize
