so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
Randomize
