white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
Randomize
