Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
Never joke about your clitoris.
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize