He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
Randomize
