Duck Duck Cougar?
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
Randomize
