is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Randomize