super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
Randomize
