I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
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