The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
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