I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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