oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
Randomize
