That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
