She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
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