there's paper in my vomit.
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
After tacos, we're chasing women.
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
Randomize
