You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
Randomize
