your thong is hanging out like whoa
At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
he told me I talked like a deaf person
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
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