he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
