I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
Randomize