Are we in a gay sports bar?
And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
Randomize
