i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
So how did finding that girl you know on GGW go?
I was so pissed when it just previews her all covered up. It would have been easier to just have sex with her
Yeah but then you would have a case of genitals gone wild
Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
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