I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
Randomize