can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
True college students do jello shots in the library
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
