theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
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