So drunk, too bad you don't want this
what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
Randomize
