I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
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