bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
Randomize
