today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
