you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
Randomize
