im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
