i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
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