Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
you're drinking in the law library????
...not a bad idea....
probably not a good idea either.
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
Randomize
