Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Randomize
