Pappa wants mamma naked
Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
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