the new term for farting is butt boxing.
Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
Randomize
